Worst day ever

I went to my ante natal on my own, at this point i knew babies dad wasn't interested. And it started off ok,they asked how i was and i told them about the pains and doctor said it's probably an infection and they asked was baby ok when the doctor checked and i told them he didn't check us over, she looked worried as they'd happened days ago. So the midwife went to fetch a registrar, the registrar had me lie on the bed and felt my stomach and just said i want you to go for a scan. Then everybody left me on my own for ages after the clinic had finished and all the other pregnant women had gone. Am not sure how long it was but someone came and got me and took me for the scan. I remember them doing the scan and it was so quiet and lots of ppl doctors/midwives not sure who they were where there. And i remember starting to panic and saying whats wrong....and someone said they were so sorry the baby is dead. And i started screaming, then they kept telling me i had to get up but i couldn't move. Am not sure what happened from this point until i gave birth to my daughter. But she was beautiful, i know she was even tho i can't remember what she looked like. I can only remember the first few minutes i saw her lying in the cot, i could only see her from the back, she was lied on her side. I can remember that. I got to hold her for a few hours but i cannot remember what her face looks like. That really upsets me to this day, more than anything else in my life. She had an autopsy which found nothing and the hospital sorted out the funeral. After the funeral my mum said i should stay with them for a while and i went. But that day everyone who'd been to the funeral was chatting about how great their kids were, plus i didn't fit in with my family any nore after being away so long so i got the bus home on my own and got used to being on my own from now on.